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Reinventing Suzanne

Who are you?  Who are you right now?  Who do you want to be right now?  Who do you want to be someday?  Do you even know?  Or is it always changing?  Is that you that you struggle to be really who you want to be?  Or is it who you think you should be

I know, it’s a little deeper than my usual discussions on Poo and Parenting.  Sorry.  But stay with me  here.  I am trying to explain to you why I am changing my blog.  Again. 
I’m struggling a bit today, not because I was up 5 times last night with  Nathan (who I will now lovingly refer to as baby bug), or because Lucas (little bug) has literally been screaming in my ear all day, but because I don’t know what I’m doing.  One day all I want to do is sew.  The next day, write.  The next day, cook.  Or shop.  Or run.  Or just play with my kids.  And I want to blog about all of it!  Why can’t I just focus on one thing?  As soon as I get something the way I like it I want to rearrange it again.  From furniture to the garage to my blog and to my future goals, things just never stay the same.  It’s enough to drive a person crazy.  
So, who am I?  I feel like I am always asking myself this question.  And when I try to answer, I tend to confuse who I think I am, with who I really want to be.  Who am I, really?  A mom.  A wife.  A daughter.  But that’s who I am to someone else.  Who am I to me?  What am I?  A writer?  An artist? I don’t know.  If I were just me, no husband, no kids, no parents or siblings, no career, no friends… who would I be? I haven’t a clue. 

I feel like I have a hard time answering this question because I am always changing.  I always have a new goal, a new project.  I cannot stick to one thing.  I am always reinventing myself.  Is it because I have not yet found who I am really supposed to be?  Will I ever find the me I want to be?  Or will I struggle with this until the day I die?

So I am wondering, am I alone in this?  Am I the only 30 year old out there who is consumed with life as a mother, trying to do a hundred little projects in her spare time, but doesn’t have a clue what she really wants to do with her life?  Tell me.  I want to know. 

8 Comments

  • Jenny

    You know that I don't have kids and I'm not a wife, but the way you described how you feel? Yeah, I feel exactly like that too.

  • Adopting from Rwanda

    You are not alone! I want to do everything and am constantly moving from project to project. Recently, I heard someone give our generation the motto of " multitask or die!". I think it just means that you are curious and well rounded! I don't think it's negative at all!

  • Barbara

    At the risk of sounding like a book…Enjoy your journey… You are all that you are to be each day even if that changes several times a day, embrace it, don't fight it. And remember, who you are is Gods Gift!

  • Cindy

    I would say be who you are and do what you are passionate about (forget the rest of everything else in this world that does not matter). I do not think we will ever find out who we want to be, because that is always changing. As a Mommy you play soo many rolls, so embrace them, and it is far from a bad thing!!

  • Suzanne Jeanette

    Thanks everyone. I have to explain a little… I wrote this at like 1am, and didn't intend for it to have a negative tone. I'm happy living in constant change, I just wanted to make sure I wasn't the only one. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Now I'm thinking of more blog changes… nothing big, just colors and stuff.. I think the creative display is just as fun as the writing! I guess we are all the same, trying to be who we want to be.

    You are right mom… it is the journey!

  • Suzanne Jeanette

    Thanks Sarah! I love the name of your blog too. We are always changing and becoming who we are supposed to be – and learning about ourselves in the process. It really is about the journey… a lesson I am learning daily.

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