Who are you? Who are you right now? Who do you want to be right now? Who do you want to be someday? Do you even know? Or is it always changing? Is that you that you struggle to be really who you want to be? Or is it who you think you should be?
I know, it’s a little deeper than my usual discussions on Poo
. Sorry. But stay with me here. I am trying to explain to you why I am changing my blog. Again.
I’m struggling a bit today, not because I was up 5 times last night with Nathan (who I will now lovingly refer to as baby bug), or because Lucas (little bug) has literally been screaming in my ear all day, but because I don’t know what I’m doing. One day all I want to do is sew. The next day, write. The next day, cook. Or shop. Or run. Or just play with my kids. And I want to blog about all of it! Why can’t I just focus on one thing? As soon as I get something the way I like it I want to rearrange it again. From furniture to the garage to my blog and to my future goals, things just never stay the same. It’s enough to drive a person crazy.
So, who am I? I feel like I am always asking myself this question. And when I try to answer, I tend to confuse who I think I am, with who I really want to be. Who am I, really? A mom. A wife. A daughter. But that’s who I am to someone else. Who am I to me? What am I? A writer? An artist? I don’t know. If I were just me, no husband, no kids, no parents or siblings, no career, no friends… who would I be? I haven’t a clue.
I feel like I have a hard time answering this question because I am always changing. I always have a new goal, a new project. I cannot stick to one thing. I am always reinventing myself. Is it because I have not yet found who I am really supposed to be? Will I ever find the me I want to be? Or will I struggle with this until the day I die?
So I am wondering, am I alone in this? Am I the only 30 year old out there who is consumed with life as a mother, trying to do a hundred little projects in her spare time, but doesn’t have a clue what she really wants to do with her life? Tell me. I want to know.