My apologies to anyone reading this blog on a regular basis… I have been writing a lot of random crap lately, a little too much whining and too much personal stuff.. Maybe its the hormones, always making me think. I’ll try to do better. Well, after tonight. If you are sick of my rambling, just go ahead and skip this one!
I have been struggling lately, with following my restricted diet. I have no problem following the gluten free diet. However, I am not supposed to be eating dairy and soy, and I am NOT behaving in that category. I’ve been thinking, “I’m pregnant, I can eat what I want, when I want, if it makes me feel better at the time.” So, I’m eating so much dairy – frozen yogurt, cheese on everything, everything I am not supposed to do. I’m drinking chocolate soy milk cause we have it in the house and it looks good. It is ridiculous! It all tastes delicious at the time, and with my finicky appetite lately I’ve just been eating what I can. But later, when I start feeling even worse, I wonder if I’m feeling worse because of what I ate earlier.
I was reading Karina’s Kitchen awhile back, and she said something about trying to have a zen-like attitude about her food. That really stuck with me. I really want and need that. I need to not be upset at the foods I cannot eat. I really just need to be at peace with it. I need to not want those foods anymore. I need to separate from them. But I don’t know how to do it exactly. I’ve been doing it for 10 years with gluten. Why can’t I do it with the rest of the foods? In some ways I think it is harder, because I already had so many foods taken away from me when I found out about celiac disease. I feel like that is such a huge restriction, it’s not fair to have even more restrictions on top of that. Maybe it’s because I don’t get instantly sick from eating them, like I do when I eat gluten. Maybe it’s because I don’t want to stick out even more in social situations by telling people I am allergic to pretty much everything that exists. Who knows what it is, it’s probably a combo of a lot of things. One thing is for sure though, I need to come up with a way to deal with it. I am going to have a zen like attitude about it! (ha! we’ll see…)