01mrm,  Just Me,  Motherhood,  writing

On Trust. And Being Honest with Myself in this World.

I love blogging.  Seriously.  I love that so many wonderful women (and men) can put their voices out there and speak from their hearts.  Truth, honesty, real, raw emotions.  I love that I can follow like minded souls, and learn and grow from their experiences.  It’s just one of the many reasons why I do this whole writing thing.   I want to inspire someone, anyone, the way I am inspired by so many others.

Accidental Mother/Son Portrait

Reading a post from one of my favorite bloggers this week, I found myself holding my breath as I took in her words.  In my own little moment of solace, sitting on the living room couch and squinting at my iPhone screen as my oldest little monkey did his best at “quiet time” not more than four feet from me,  I found an answer I didn’t know I had been looking for.

"Look at the Camera, Mommy"

But before I go into that… I need to explain a little bit.

See, you may have noticed my writing has been sort of, well, BORING, over the last year.  Resolutions, goals, recipes, yada yada yada..  no really good stuff.   And my quantity is lacking too.  You see, one of the many reasons I don’t blog as often as I used to is because of privacy issues.  I used to post photos of my kids and family, and I used to write about anything and everything I thought.  Then I started getting comments from others, from family, from friends.  And I started wondering if I was doing the right thing by exposing my kids photos and our family experiences to the world.  I stopped sharing so much of the personal stuff.  I started a personal, password protected blog as a scrapbook for my boys that the world cannot see.  And my visible blog kinda turned to, well, mush.

Always Looking at the Camera

Back to the rest of my story.

I put my phone down, and with a familiar urge that many a writer can understand, I grabbed my journal and pen to figure out what the heck was going through my head.  Emotions trying to burst through, uninterpreted and raw, I couldn’t figure out what was hitting me so hard.  So I put it all down, and grabbed for my phone again to read those words one more time.  And that did it.

Bird Watching?


In SO many areas of my life right now, I am absolutely failing to trust myself, and I am completely failing to trust others.  I could probably write a hundred pages tonight about how and why I am not good at trusting strangers, friends, doctors, the whole freaking universe, God, and even many of the people who are the very closest in my life.  I need to let go of control, and have a little faith that I am on the right path.

Lucas being hard to focus on

So.  I don’t want to sit down at my computer every night and write just recipes.  Yes, I want to share them, when I have good ones.  And I want to share our craft projects and our home preschool.  But I also want to share the real stuff.  The interesting stuff.  The stuff that naturally flows from my mind to the page.  The stuff that I’m a little nervous to share.  You see, I realized that my favorite blogs are the ones where the authors share the most about their lives – their thoughts and emotions, their family moments, photos that capture those things.  I feel like I know them.  If I’m ever going to do anything with my writing, I need to be able to be real, and not afraid to trust this world.

***special thanks to my awesome brother for taking these photos of Lucas and I on Thanksgiving morning***


  • Cindy @ b.kate designs

    I really like this. Trust is such a hard thing, it means we let go. As a Mom it is soo much harder I find to let go and just BE. I find myself in this wrap also, I feel like I question most things, but we should not lose this also, if you are a parent and you do not question doctors, people, choices (as simple as milk or not, food being organic, what you put into your child’s body and the chemicals around your children, things like this, that I know you and I are always thinking about) than I believe it is very hard to be a good parent. I do not say that in a bad way, just a thinking and thoughtful way. Good parent being just a term, I really think good parent is constituted by soo many other things beyond choices. Suzanne, you are such an amazing writer and need to do what you feel is right. WE, being all of us, are going to make choices in our lives that others disagree with, but as I always say, “It is MY child to mess us (or not, LOL).” The privacy thing is where I struggle also. It is a trust thing, but more a worrying thing for me. You are careful though, so you will be just fine. Trusting people can free us. I really believe this, honest truth. FREEING. There are soo many people in my life also that I do not TRUST and I ask myself why why why? I am sure it is lack of confidence in myself, lack of faith in them, being hurt in several cases, hearing mean things, etc. But you know, when we practice this non trusting side, we hold ourselves back, hold our children back and creativity. It is easier said than done and like anything a process. It is hard to forget and forgive…life. Thinking about you and can not wait to hear about your adventures <3 It was really nice to see you the other day, We enjoyed ourselves!

    • Suzanne

      Thanks! It was nice to see you girls too, we had so much fun!
      I wish all things in life could just have a clear answer. Like an instruction manual for raising a baby. Or one for myself – because most of the time I dont know what I really want. But I guess figuring things out is half the fun sometimes too. 🙂

  • Bill

    Just ask more questions in person, be curious, be open to live dialogue and the trust and exchange will flow………. It’s easy and fun !!!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *