I wrote the following post in December of 2009 but never published it. I found it in my draft folder tonight and read it, realizing that in a few short months I will be once again in this familiar territory of new baby and figuring out how to work our family life routine…. So I’m posting it now, more than three years later and wishing my future self luck in negotiating through the early months of babyhood once again.
December 9, 2009
Lately I find myself surviving within the throes of new parenthood once again. I am once again walking around in a severely sleep deprived state, patience worn thin, mind frazzled, and body somewhat falling apart.
Ok, so maybe I am being a bit dramatic. But hey, it’s allowed.
Today I googled “terrible twos”. Oh wait, and on my night stand, I have the following books stacked up: The No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers; Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child; The No Cry Discipline Solution; and The Baby Whisperer.
Enough said, right? Actually, I think I need to say “AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Okay, I feel better.
I am SO tired. I feel so out of control. Not only is everything around me disorganized and a mess, but I feel like I can’t even take care of myself as well. I remember how hard this was last time with Lucas. I felt just like this. Somehow I had thought this time would be different, like I would have all the answers and just know what to do. I keep reminding myself that it gets better. It will get better this time too, right?
A few days ago I thought I could handle letting Nathan cry a bit to go to sleep. I only made it 15 minutes. Couldn’t do it. I think he is still to young, and I can’t bear to hear him cry. Right now he is in his swing because he cried when I put him to bed. I’m hoping to move him to his crib once he falls asleep.
Lucas has been saying “No” to everything, and he melts down in tears like it is the end of the world every time something doesn’t go his way. When I say no, he just keeps on going. It’s like my words have no meaning. I feel like a broken record…. no no no no no no no….. all day long. Ugh.
Anyway, today was just a rough day in general, and I hadn’t had time to write in awhile, so here I am. Last night both kids went to bed late cause I was on my own for bedtime with Ryan working late. Then they were both up at night – I think I was up six times total. And up for the day at 6:30am. Then I ran out of hot water in the shower. Then we found our poor iguana nearly frozen… again. Then this, then that, blah blah blah. So I was grumpy and feeling sorry for myself. But then the day got better. Ryan’s late meeting got canceled and he came home on time, with Taco Bell. Yum.
I was just out getting myself a drink from the fridge when I saw the quote magnet I placed there as a subtle reminder to myself. I’m going to try and remember this tonight.
“Be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no different than the moon and the stars. In the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.” Max Eherman